Friday, June 26, 2009

Get a pen and paper ready.

I am posting my new address and email in Boise for a few weeks so everybody can get it. I think my cell will stay the same for a while. All this information goes into effect on or about July 13th, and will only be posted here until August.

1033 E. Saratoga Dr.
Boise ID 83706
erinhdowney at gmail dot com

Thursday, June 25, 2009

How many people are blogging this today?

I thought there was nothing else Michael Jackson could do to shock me. Funny how I'm unimpressed by all the weird things he did, but then he goes and does the most normal everyday thing that everybody eventually does, and that's what's weird.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

The best website ever?

I have frequently said that I should get a job giving people advice (without being responsible, of course, when things go horribly wrong as a result). Then I found, a website where people air their grievances and everyone votes on what they should do. It is my new source of entertainment.

Thursday, June 04, 2009

Ann Coulter is a cunt, in case you'd forgotten.

"Why aren't liberals rushing to assure us this time that "most pro-lifers are peaceful"? Unlike Muslims, pro-lifers actually are peaceful."

I knew I shouldn't have clicked.

EDIT: Sorry, Mom, for the language. There's just nothing else in English to describe that malevolent hate-spewing harpy.

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

The Ducks in the Bathroom Are Not Mine

Tyson has commented recently on the prevalence of crappy news lately, so here is something I hope you will find much more to your liking.

David replies:

From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 21 May 2009 10.16am
To: Helen Bailey
Subject: Pets in the building

Dear Helen,

Thankyou for your letter concerning pets in my apartment. I understand that having dogs in the apartment is a violation of the agreement due to the comfort and wellbeing of my neighbours and I am currently soundproofing my apartment with egg cartons as I realise my dogs can cause quite a bit of noise. Especially during feeding time when I release live rabbits.

Regards, David.

From: Helen Bailey
Date: Thursday 21 May 2009 11.18am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Pets in the building

Hello David

I have received your email and wish to remind you that the strata agreement states that no animals are allowed in the building regardless of if your apartment is soundproof. How many dogs do you have at the premises?


From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 21 May 2009 1.52pm
To: Helen Bailey
Subject: Re: Re: Pets in the building

Dear Helen,

Currently I only have eight dogs but one is expecting puppies and I am very excited by this. I am hoping for a litter of at least ten as this is the number required to participate in dog sled racing. I have read every Jack London novel in preparation and have constructed my own sled from timber I borrowed from the construction site across the road during the night. I have devised a plan which I feel will ensure me taking first place in the next national dog sled championships. For the first year of the puppies life I intend to say the word mush then chase them violently around the apartment while yelling and hitting saucepan lids together. I have estimated that the soundproofing of my apartment should block out at least sixty percent of the noise and the dogs will learn to associate the word mush with great fear so when I yell it on race day, the panic and released adrenaline will spur them on to being winners. I am so confident of this being a foolproof plan that I intend to sell all my furniture the day before the race and bet the proceeds on coming first place.

Regards, David.

There is much more. Apartment complex rules are ridiculous (says the girl who can't find a rental that will allow pets for under $1500 in Eagle/Gypsum/Vail). I'm sure I'd think differently if there were eighteen dogs in the unit next door.

For more fucking-with-pencil-pushers fun, read his correspondence with a collection agency involving a seven-legged spider.

I'll pay attention to PETA as soon as we embrace "People for the Ethical Treatment of Other People".

PETA thinks now is the appropriate time to post billboards in Wichita, Kansas, to capitalize on the aftermath of the George Tiller shooting. Nice touch, PETA. With all the talk about "murdering babies" and the actual murder of one of the good guys, we shouldn't lose sight of the senseless slaughter of countless food animals each day.

Ugh. Makes me want to take an animal-tested aspirin, put on leather shoes, and go get a steak.