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Monday, May 21, 2007

Eponymous Legislation

Frustrated watching the Dems and Republicans wrangle over war funding bills? Dreading the threat of yet another presidential veto? Does the endless debate over proposed illegal immigration reforms make you want to throw up your hands, let an undocumented worker take over your job, and move away to another country? Do daily updates on congressional "progress" make you think you could do things better? Today's APM asks you to prove it.

First, check out this list of eponymous laws. It should give you some ideas, as well as a better sense of what "eponymous" means than just hearing me say it over and over.

Then, draft your own law about how the world really works. (Don't know what to call it? That's where eponymity comes in!) Be as clever or as technical as you wish; just remember that, given the choice between wit and correctness, most people prefer wit (Erin's law).

22 comments:

Brannon said...

Brannons 1st law: Applause and rain are the only thing of consequence, because nothing else smatters.

Brannon said...

Ok that one didn't work.

Brannon's 345th law: Passion is the purist foundation of duty. Dutifulness in the absence of passion is the purist foundation of integrity.

Don't look for the joke - it's not there.

Tammy said...

Oh Brannon. Wow.

Elaine said...

Good one, B.

Tammy said...

Tammy's Law on Moral Judgment:

Morality is merely a matter of perspective -- a product of one's conscience, a judgment. Morals only become tangible at the point where two or more people intersect in an effectual way -- where one's actions no longer affect only himself, but cause unnecessary pain or devastation to another.

Billyfish said...

Billyfish's 1st Law of Inverse Comprehension states the younger the law maker, the more difficult it is for the older person to comprehend what the hell they are talking about.

Batman said...

Batman's 3rd Law of Child Aversion - One's aversion to children is inversely proportional to the chance of being seated next to one on an eight hour plane trip.

Tyson said...

Tyson's Law of Inverse Consequence (or, the thank-God-I-didn't-know-any-better Law)
The severity of the consequences of your most stupid actions are inversely proportional to the age at which you perpetrate them.

Tyson said...

The Anti-singularity Principle:

The number of people that try to get you in the sack increases in the aftermath of a marriage proposal in direct proportion to level of doubt making such a commitment causes.

Tammy said...

Ah, the Anti-Singularity Principle. I believe that one is tatooed on my ass.

Brannon said...

Ok my first one didn't work and my second gave Tammy an orgasm, but wasn't really a law so ...

Brannon's 203rd law:

A persons belief in anything supernatural can be measured by the percenatage of income he/she spends on lottery tickets.

Elaine said...

Tyson's Anti-Singularity Principle remeinded me:

The number of hot bods available for dating increases exponentially the minute you commit to any relationship, and decreases by the same proportion the minute you break up, leaving a person wondering: where the hell did they all go? Oh... someone else just committed.

Elaine said...

Law #16 of Child Rearing:

The level of chaos that will break out upon answering the phone is directly proportional to the importance of the call.

Tammy said...

Tammy's 69th Law of Orgasm:

The likelihood of a woman having an orgasm from something that a man said is directly proportional to where his mouth was located on her body at the time that he said it.

Elaine said...

Good one Tammy!

chglass said...

Mom Huckabay's 30th law: Erin, I have to meet these people. They crack me up.

Erin said...

I can't believe you guys are talking about orgasms in front of my moms.

Erin said...

Erin's Law of Parental Discovery: The probability of a parent finding out what you're up to increases exponentially according to how much fun you're having.

Tammy said...

We love you Mom Huckabay! Let's do lunch! :-)

Elaine said...

Yes Erin... which brings me to my #3 Law of Child Rearing:

The level fun a child is having is directly proportional to the amount of embarrassment the child feels when the parent discovers the activity.

...and the #4 Law of Child Rearing:

The intensity of the noise level and the desire not to get caught when children are playing is inversely proportional to the children's perception of parental/adult disapproval regarding the activity in which the children are engaged.

Mom Huckabay, I would love to meet some of these people too. For example, I have never met Erin. Our husbands are friends, and so we are connected by association.

(Maybe that will let you off the hook a little, Erin... if you can shift the blame and claim some of us aren't really your friends)

Ah... the last rule of Child Rearing:

Children never stop being children, regardless of adult age, in the presence of their parents or their friends' parents.

Elaine said...

Elaine's #1, numero uno, People Rule:

People, like water, seek their own level.

Elaine said...

First rule of absolutism:

The sweetroll never disappoints.

Theorems of Relative Truth:

#1: That which is most important is most fragile.

#2: The enemy of good is better.