So I've been on hold with the IRS for 27 minutes now, and I figured, what better way to get someone to pick up on the other end than to start some kind of project or something? (If this doesn't work, I'll get in the shower. Surely the instant I step into the water someone will get around to taking my call.) Turns out--surprise, surprise--you have to fill out forms (well, one, but it's so complicated it felt like more) when you sell stock or quit a job that gives you stock. I had a ton of stock options when I left Starbucks, and they "short-sold" them for me, meaning they lent me the money to buy them and then promptly sold them, giving me the profit. Well, when they told the IRS about this, it looked like I'd make almost TWENTY THOUSAND DOLLARS in stock sales. So I had to call them to see what to do, then call Fidelity and get them to send all my relevant paperwork, then I could not for the life of me figure out what in hell was going on, so I had a tax-preparer friend of mine fill out a Schedule D. After some massive confusion regarding "gross" and "taxable" income got cleared up, it was fairly simple, but now I am stuck waiting to get a real, live person on the phone at a government office to tell them I'm still in the wrong, but to the tune of like TWO thousand, not TWENTY.
Besides the barrel of fun this is turning out to be, I have my New Teacher Training Cadre interview tomorrow, where I am going to wow them with my impressive evaluation from my administrator and a 1920s slang activity that meets components of "classroom environment" and "instruction" professional domains. It'll be the bee's knees.
Some time later:
It worked! They just picked up the phone, gave me an address for where to send my paperwork, and informed me that they had already applied my stimulus check to my outstanding balance (we were going to do that anyway 'cause screw irresponsible fiscal policy!), and I now owe the government (besides student loans--arrg!) less than $200. That is super news!